Newly Employed Unemployees - Don't Forget!

2009 was a year of great transformation and freedom for me. I was making good money and I was able to live on my own and provide my daughter with everything she needed and wanted. Of course I had some financial worries because I had recently separated from my ex-husband and had legal bills to go along with my other monthly bills. But, I really wasn't hurting for much. I didn't realize just how much I had until it was gone.

Fast forward eighteen months later. My office shut it's doors and myself along with thirty others were out of a job. Fortunately, unlike many people losing their jobs in the past few years, we all had a heads up ten weeks prior. That gave me some time to think about things and I made the decision to take my severance and go back to school. I definitely made the right decision because now I have a degree and that is invaluable. But, I had no idea the small things I had taken for granted while I did have a good paying job.

When money was good, I freaked out if my checking account dipped below $300. I had a little money saved. My bills were paid on time every month. I possessed three credit cards with fairly high limits and any time the balance got a little too high, I paid it off with one or two paychecks. If I wanted those Nine West shoes, I could buy them. If I saw a cute outfit for Amber, I bought it. If I wanted to take her on pretty much any kind of outing, we went. If my friends wanted me to go out, I did. I'm not saying that I was able to be a spendthrift. I still had to watch it and stuck to a monthly budget. But if I wanted to splurge some, I could do it.

After I lost my job, ran out of severance, and maxed out my credit cards, there were many points that I realized just how much I had taken for granted. Many of those points involved sitting at home alone all weekend because I couldn't afford the gas to go anywhere except maybe to church. I took the bus a few times. I walked away in embarassment the first couple of times my debit card was declined for various very small purchases such as coffee or a few items at The Dollar Tree. Eventually I just learned to laugh at it. One time I had just checked my account before going into Target to make sure I had enough money to get some groceries. I had $63.00 in my account and I was getting paid in three days. So I added everything by the calculator as I shopped and kept it under $50.00. When I ran my debit card through at the checkout, it declined. So I asked the cashier to remove a few items and it declined again. My daughter was particularly antsy this day and was causing a scene in the process. I removed a few more items - declined again. The woman behind me in line rolled her eyes and turned to the lady behind her and very loudly said, "Some people just don't know how to manage their money." Judging by her $200 track suit (nothing says let's get fit like Prada!) and her botox filled face, I'm guessing this woman was from Weddington and never worked a day in her life. She shopped and frequently had her face injected while the kids were in school and her husband made $200K plus annually. In extreme embarassment, I asked the cashier to cancel my sale, abandoned my purchases, and walked away with my child crying and asking why I left our food. Luckily, I still had plenty at home to sustain us until my next check. I vowed that day that whenever I got myself together again financially, I would help someone who was in this position.

I am blessed beyond belief now that I have graduated, I am working, and starting an even better job very soon. I am still having to budget more than I did before. But, things are definitely more manageable. And now that I am starting a new venture with a lot of opportunity, I know things are only going to get better. A lot of you have been in the same boat in the past few years. Maybe you lost your job in 2008 when the market crashed and have been working again now for a while. Maybe you are working for way less than you used to, but are still doing better than you were without a job. Maybe you more recently lost your job and still haven't found something. But rest assured, you will! If you've been one of the many 12% unemployed over the last three to four years, don't forget what it was like. And remember these lessons: Live like you make way less than you do. Save, save, save. Help other people who are unemployed find work. Refer them. Encourage them. And when you see someone struggling, have some empathy for them. If you feel the urge to help, do it. I know one thing's for sure. I cannot wait until the next time I am in line behind a mom at the grocery store whose debit card declines.

The Most Important Lesson We Can Teach Our Children

How many times do you witness or experience scenarios like this in any given week? You are trying to cross the marked crosswalk area at a busy store with your children and someone flies through the crosswalk nearly squashing yourself and your family. You greet someone on the street and they look at you as if you have snakes crawling out of your eyes and don't respond at all. You walk into a bank and you are ten steps behind someone and instead of holding the door, this person lets it slam right in your face. Someone runs a red light turning left in front of you nearly causing an accident because he obviously has somewhere far more important to be than the value of your life or his. Someone steals the elderly woman's parking spot she'd been patiently waiting on close to the front of a store. You watch as three kids cut in line at the CiCi's buffet, and then watch as their mother or father joins them. You watch in horror as your four-year-old nearly gets flattened by a mutant-sized 11-year-old in a bounce house who really doesn't care if the other children inside are one-third of his size. Then you watch as his father comes in the bounce house and jumps around too. You see a mom in Wal-Mart who doesn't have a care in the world about her cherub running through every aisle knocking things off the shelves. Nevermind that an employee just finished straightening up those items. You are traveling alone with your three-year-old and trying to keep her from running off while you juggle all of your luggage and carseat. You drop a bag in the process and instead of helping you, strangers walk past you like you are a cone in the aisle.You get my drift. These are inconsiderate acts we see every day that indicate how selfish our society has become.

I occasionally get some looks of judgment when my daughter tries to cut in line or attempts to make a mess of everything in sight at Target and I correct her for doing so. Don't judge me. I am doing my best to raise her to be considerate of you and everyone else. There are many lessons I know to be extremely important to pass onto her. But by far, the most important one is to be considerate of others. Being considerate shows love to people and it should be a natural human instinct. But for most it seems like the human instinct is to be first, even if it means risking the safety and sanity of those around them. Sometimes it seems as if people do not even notice anyone else is there. They are raising their kids this way. Even if they tell the kids not to act that way, they act that way themselves and the children grow up emulating the behavior. People complain about those who walk around with a sense of entitlement, but isn't this entitlement in itself? Are you more worthy of being in line before someone else? Are your plans more important than everyone else's? Is it okay for your children to run through Harris Teeter like Hurricane Katrina? Would you allow them to do that in your own home or business? The foundation of growing up in a loving society is to show some basic respect for one another. I am a strict parent and if my child is inconsiderate, I correct it. Pardon me while I raise a member of society who will hold the door for your wheelchair in thirty years. Pardon me while I teach her to love, not bully. Excuse me for being so considerate.

The Anti-Social Media Movement - Can I Really Do This?

For several months now I have been considering the positives and pitfalls of social media and the implications of me giving it up, at least temporarily.

Since 2007, social media has shaped my life in many ways. I do not admit this proudly. It has provided me contact with family members and friends who I haven't seen in many, many years. It has allowed these long lost people to see my daughter grow up. It has also given them access to aspects of my life that I probably should have never put out there. It has helped me rekindle friendships. It has broken friendships. It has allowed me a soapbox. It has given me support. I have offended many. It has created jealousies and most likely aided in the dissolution of my marriage. It single-handedly connected me with a new love relationship and the world watched as that ship went down; although this time I tried my best to keep those details on the down low. It has gotten me into trouble at work. It has helped me at work by connecting me with people who wanted to buy from me, and assisting me in getting new jobs. It has helped me see just how crazy some people are, and more than likely made other people think that I am crazy. Now I know all about when so and so had a fight with her boyfriend and what a douchbag he is. And I know all about how one person has suffered from diarrhea 150 out of the last 365 days. My parents have had access to way too many details about my personal life causing them stress and worry. I have participated in prayer chains. I have asked people to pray for me or someone I love. I have listened to the gospel each day by people who really ought to go on and read that Bible a little more before they start preaching it. I have watched loved ones triumphs and trials. I have had a platform to vent my frustrations, express my love, and to attempt to make people laugh.

What will happen if I give all of this up? I will have to find a new way to connect with people I haven't had the time to pick up the phone and talk to. I will have to leave my house more. I will become more productive at work. I will eliminate the assumptions produced by each and every public conversation I have. I will more than likely lose touch with a lot of people I really do care about. THAT is the part that scares me the most! So what do I do? Give this up completely? Or do I just refrain as much as possible and do my best to not share anything personal with the world? The most obvious answer is the latter, but anyone who knows me, knows that this will be a challenge. I cannot keep my mouth shut and a poker face doesn't exist in my vocabulary. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Do I pack up and leave one mothership of social media for another? I tried that once. To me that would be like substituting heroin with oxycontin.

As I enter a new, very important chapter of my life, I am wondering what it would be like to extinguish this form of communication from my life altogether. I would be come like a social media buddhist monk. Would I start a movement?

Soul Mates

Have you ever been guilty of believing that there is ONE soul mate out there for you? Have you searched your entire life for that one specific person, or maybe had a hard time letting go of a broken relationship with the person you just knew was “the one”? I think at times every one of us has experienced this to a different degree.

I used to believe in the one true soul mate, but I do not anymore. I do not say this out of cynicism or anger. The truth is that I believe there are many soul mates out there for each person. Soul mates do not necessarily come in the form of a lover. They can come in the form of friends, co-workers, or just someone who you have a five minute conversation with that makes an impact on your life. A soul mate may even be someone you do not know, but who inspires you. Anyone who is good for your soul at a specific point in time can be your soul mate. What does this mean for true love and eternal dedication? Well, I still believe that there could possibly be that one person out there that we may be meant to be with forever. But, most of the time people are in our lives for shorter periods of time. It’s not always difficult to accept that maybe a certain friendship has fizzled out. People change and grow. Life gets in the way. Sometimes our experiences and circumstances make it difficult to nurture those relationships. But, like everything else, if that person is truly meant to be in our lives, he or she will come back in at some point in time. And sometimes we grow up and just realize that certain people are not good for us. We let go of the guilt and understand that it’s okay to be choosy about who we allow into our circle.

It’s usually much more difficult to accept when a love relationship has to end. Like most people, I want to believe that there is one person who will walk into my life, sweep me off my feet, and add substance and vibrance to my life until the day I die. What I typically run into is the first two steps and then the complimentary stuff for a while and then it just stops. I’ve overanalyzed this pattern to the point that I’ve driven myself crazy at times. At some point, I just had to accept that even love relationships just aren’t always meant to be forever. Good, bad, or indifferent, there’s a reason that everyone walks into your life. I personally do not believe any of my romantic relationships have entered my life for bad reasons. But, it is not always easy to find the good reasons, accept that this was for a season, and now it’s onto the next chapter. And that chapter may involve a long road which scares the hell out of many of us. Will we be leaving our true love behind only to be alone forever? Will you die an old cat lady with no one around you? Will you end up with someone who treats you horribly? The answers to these questions really lie in you. We choose who we want in our lives and who we do not. We can choose to be with a person who treats us with respect or who doesn’t. We can choose to alienate everyone out of our lives, or to nurture those relationships that really matter. And we can understand that just because we are not in a romantic relationship does not mean that we are alone. I know many people who are married, yet alone. I experienced this first hand and it is not a happy place.

If you are afraid to take the risk and leave an unhealthy person, thing, or situation behind because you fear you may be throwing away your “soul mate”, remember this: the world is a huge place. There are many soul mates out there for you. Look around at your current life. Who is in it now that nurtures the core of who you are? Is it a friend who you can be completely honest with and who can be completely honest with you? Is it a person who you can talk to about your spirituality and your path? Is it someone at your job, school, church, etc. who just “gets you” and who you “get” no matter what? Is it the unconditional love you receive from a pet? Is it your child? Your mother? Father? Sibling? A group you are a part of? Soul mates do not always come in the form of a romantic partner the way society teaches us. Find what things and people truly speak to the core of who you are and keep those things in your life. And trust that more soul mates will come into your life. As you grow, you will be more aware of the ones that are true. Most importantly, always remember that if something is darkening your light, have the courage to let it go. As one of my soul mates recently pointed out to me, you cannot let the light of the world in if you keep walking around surrounded by a dark cloud.