Have you ever been guilty of believing that there is ONE soul mate out there for you? Have you searched your entire life for that one specific person, or maybe had a hard time letting go of a broken relationship with the person you just knew was “the one”? I think at times every one of us has experienced this to a different degree.
I used to believe in the one true soul mate, but I do not anymore. I do not say this out of cynicism or anger. The truth is that I believe there are many soul mates out there for each person. Soul mates do not necessarily come in the form of a lover. They can come in the form of friends, co-workers, or just someone who you have a five minute conversation with that makes an impact on your life. A soul mate may even be someone you do not know, but who inspires you. Anyone who is good for your soul at a specific point in time can be your soul mate. What does this mean for true love and eternal dedication? Well, I still believe that there could possibly be that one person out there that we may be meant to be with forever. But, most of the time people are in our lives for shorter periods of time. It’s not always difficult to accept that maybe a certain friendship has fizzled out. People change and grow. Life gets in the way. Sometimes our experiences and circumstances make it difficult to nurture those relationships. But, like everything else, if that person is truly meant to be in our lives, he or she will come back in at some point in time. And sometimes we grow up and just realize that certain people are not good for us. We let go of the guilt and understand that it’s okay to be choosy about who we allow into our circle.
It’s usually much more difficult to accept when a love relationship has to end. Like most people, I want to believe that there is one person who will walk into my life, sweep me off my feet, and add substance and vibrance to my life until the day I die. What I typically run into is the first two steps and then the complimentary stuff for a while and then it just stops. I’ve overanalyzed this pattern to the point that I’ve driven myself crazy at times. At some point, I just had to accept that even love relationships just aren’t always meant to be forever. Good, bad, or indifferent, there’s a reason that everyone walks into your life. I personally do not believe any of my romantic relationships have entered my life for bad reasons. But, it is not always easy to find the good reasons, accept that this was for a season, and now it’s onto the next chapter. And that chapter may involve a long road which scares the hell out of many of us. Will we be leaving our true love behind only to be alone forever? Will you die an old cat lady with no one around you? Will you end up with someone who treats you horribly? The answers to these questions really lie in you. We choose who we want in our lives and who we do not. We can choose to be with a person who treats us with respect or who doesn’t. We can choose to alienate everyone out of our lives, or to nurture those relationships that really matter. And we can understand that just because we are not in a romantic relationship does not mean that we are alone. I know many people who are married, yet alone. I experienced this first hand and it is not a happy place.
If you are afraid to take the risk and leave an unhealthy person, thing, or situation behind because you fear you may be throwing away your “soul mate”, remember this: the world is a huge place. There are many soul mates out there for you. Look around at your current life. Who is in it now that nurtures the core of who you are? Is it a friend who you can be completely honest with and who can be completely honest with you? Is it a person who you can talk to about your spirituality and your path? Is it someone at your job, school, church, etc. who just “gets you” and who you “get” no matter what? Is it the unconditional love you receive from a pet? Is it your child? Your mother? Father? Sibling? A group you are a part of? Soul mates do not always come in the form of a romantic partner the way society teaches us. Find what things and people truly speak to the core of who you are and keep those things in your life. And trust that more soul mates will come into your life. As you grow, you will be more aware of the ones that are true. Most importantly, always remember that if something is darkening your light, have the courage to let it go. As one of my soul mates recently pointed out to me, you cannot let the light of the world in if you keep walking around surrounded by a dark cloud.
